Monday, November 26, 2012

4 Things To Remember

This is so good, I had to re-post as a reminder. 1) In the words of Ray Jay, "all men have something bad in them, therefore you have to find a good man, who can control those bad charactersitics". Exactly, all men have an angel and devil on each shoulder. Although there are some good men out there, you still have to find the one who can maintain his bad urges. Men aren't designed to be as sensitive, caring, and concerned as women are. That's why you will meet a nice, church guy and then be surprised that he did you this way or that way, or may have reacted this way. Well, no matter how good or how bad the man is. Because men aren't equipped to be as caring, concerned and sensitive to the feelings of others as women seem to be, you must find a man who can control his bad urges and apologize when he can't and never make the same mistakes. 2) The way you start out with him is the way you set the tone from here on out. If he starts out doing this or that, and it works, he will keep doing it. No man stops what he feels is working and changes routines. If you want to train him, train him in the beginning, cause guess what? the beginning stages is what sets the tone for future treatment. If he starts off texting, never calling or just being all about all words and no actions, don't entertain the buster, why? because you're only setting a tone, for the future that will be at your expense. 3) Check his software and never his microsoft words! A man with all talk and no play, has no software in his hard drive. If he's about something, then let it happen and automatically appear on the monitor. Never in history has a monitor worked without being plugged up to the hard drive of the computer. So how the hell should words make up for action now? Never. If he's talking too much, he really ain't talking about nothing. 4) Never let a man run your shoes over and don't run his over either. Men are accustomed to meeting women and judging them quickly and assessing what they feel their behavior is. They will categorize you, have pre concieved notions of how they believe the female gender is and what not. Don't allow him to define you, categorize you or label you. No definition of you started when he met you. You were already defined by GOD's measures before you even knew who he was! Your morals, boundaries and rules don't get altered because Mr. Big shot is this way, or he's that way. No , you never change your rythmm to be with a man. You are who you are and you were who you were before he even came into the picture and that will always be. You worry about yourself, your needs and wants and never lower your standards. You run your own shoes over and let him run his own shoes over. Period!

Don't Tell Your Girlfriends

You meet a guy and he's cute, nice, charming, lovely, smart , maybe even successful, and just so likable in everyway. But wait, hold on, buckle up, you don't know who he is. You don't even know if he's the one, nor if you even like him yet. This situation happened to me. You meet a guy and surely, you think, he's a candidate, and hell i'm tired of waiting so,you try to seat fill him into your love fantasy. We end up telling our friends, "I met someone" and our friends who hope for us to find love, are so excited for us, sometimes, way too excited. You may see no problem with telling your friends or family about a certain someone. However, what may seem innocent, really isn't. Unless you're a woman like me and you're as skeptical as me, when your friend tells you she met someone. Be careful who you tell. When you tell a friend you met someone, women don't think, "oh she met a guy, but who knows who this guy is yet, let's discover him, first". what a woman hears when you tell her you met someone is, "Om my, I've met the one". No matter how many times you say this, your girlfriends hears the same thing, "that you possibly found the one",lol. They never lose hope. Everytime you meet a guy and tell your friends, they become more eager and are at the edge of their seats everytime. They don't think to themselves, how many times you've said that, they just become more antsy, hoping its the one for you too.This is why it's best to keep their suspense down. Also, you don't know yet if it's going to work out or not. When it doesn't work out, you feel stupid, round 2 , here i come. Plus, you don't want to appear like you just hop from guy to guy, because you're always telling someone about some guy you met. Remember, meeting someone can simply mean that, you met someone. It doesn't mean you actually met someone, who you will marry. However, you're friends may not be keen enough, due to excitment, to decipher. They actually hear the words, "I've met my lover". Keep them out of it. Half of them are nosy anyway! I mean, why does it seem like our girlfriends are more interested in our love affairs than we are. I mean, can I like homeboy before you like him more. Can he get in good with me first? Another thing to consider is this, your girls might put things in your head to further confuse you. For example, they might feed you fantsies that do nothing more than make you despearate, eager, and a believer of the love fantasy and even a chaser in some aspects. They may recommend you call him, pursue him, or buy him gifts for his birthday. In the beginning, and or in the end, they may tell you what you want to hear or make the blow worst if things don't work out. I recently made the biggest mistake opening up to my girlfriends about Mr. Goody two shoes, who is the guy that I recently sort of dated. That was a big mistake, especially because one of my friends presented a very disappointed attitude that even hurt my feelings, once I told her things ended. She even told me that she was secretly praying that we would love each other and get married! That shit is so not cute and on top of that, it's intrusive. Here my friend is, praying for me to end up with a guy who wasn't even a good guy for me to begin with. He was cunning, decietful and phony and recently going through a divorce, yuck! That's why you have to keep your girlfriends out of it. I already felt bad ,and here she is making me feel worst, unintentionally, because she was hoping for the best between me and a guy I shouldn't have been entertaining in the first place. This is why you have to be careful about opening up to your friends. Women will sometimes take ownership of your love life and act as if they're more affected by your decisions than you are. Remember, you're the only one that has to live with your decisions, not them. My friend was actually hoping for a spontaneous Vegas wedding. How weird!! If i didn't know this guys true intentions and ulterior motives until it was too late, then how could she? How weird of her. That was pretty creepy. And this, my friend, is why you shouldn't tell your girlfriends. One day I called my friend and the first thing she said to me is, "hi how are you, and how's _____? I was like, are you serious, this guy is not my husband/baby daddy, lol. Why are you asking me about him? Now, I know my friend means well, she's a great girl, so don't let my negative ranting take you off topic here. Our friends mean well, and their intentions wouldn't be so out of rhythm, if these guys were the one. In fact, their intentions would be right on the money. When we finally meet the right guy, this quirky behavior that our friends and sometimes family members display will be okay,  but until then, avoid these consequences, hush, hush! I was more offended to know that my friend found the need to pray for my love life and then pray for me to be with a particular guy, without first knowing what this man's true nature was, what was best for me, or what i deserved nor consulting me and my true hearts desires first. Once I looked within and became one with my true desires and was true to myself, I realized he wasn't what I really wanted in the first place. I guess my feelings were repressed and hidden behind the same desperation I projected onto my friends. Due to this former guy's level of success, and respect level, he was judged against past duche bags, that I entertained. Therefore, everyone was rooting for this dude, although he turned out to not be the right guy for me. In fact, he's not even capable of loving me the way I deserve to be loved. This guy turned out to not be the most honest creed. No hard feelings, but I don't even think this guy was designed for me. I wish i had kept to myself that i had "met someone", lol, but my anxiety got the best of me. Guess I should listen to my gut feeling next time. I found some advice to be useful from a young lawyer stating, why tell your girls about a guy anyway? why so soon? That is so true. Why do we tell our girls about guys we just met, so soon? That is so not kosher. Men never tell. In fact, the way to tell if a man is serious about you is by knowing who he's telling about you. Men only speak about you to their friends and family, only if they are in love or rather serious about you, point, blank, period! Why don't we take on those same attitudes and become rather secretive about our temporary lovers , until our permanent Mr. Right comes along! Hold out , until Mr. Right comes along. I like the sound to that ring. I know it will be rather hard because for me, I sometimes don't feel like it's real for me until I speak on it, with another girlfriend. Now I'm seeing things differently. Perhaps maybe it's a sign that it's not real when i speak on it. Perhaps, I should retire from talking so much. The moral of the story is, don't tell your friends about so and so, until you know for sure that it's real and it's  right.

Attached to the wrong man

I was watching sex in the city today and Carry made some good points in tonight's episodes. Why do we seem to be tied to a man who doesn't want to be tied down? Why are we drawn to a man that constantly gives us the avoidance/approach relationship? Why are we emotionally attached to a man that's emotionally unavailable? Why are we attracted to man who makes us feel bad? Why do we make a man a priority, when he makes us an option or can't seem to put us first?? Why do we care to put a man first, and put our all in relationships, with a guy who doesn't even care if we are in his life? Oh this was a good episode, lol. In the words of sex in the city, Samantha, when women say we, a woman means,the man and woman, but when men say we, they mean, themselves and their dic*. Are we even choosing guys that care if we're in their life? If so, we need to reconsider who we choose and choose better. In the words of, sex in the city, Carry Bradshaw, are we addicted to wanting someone who is unobtainable?and if so, why? As Carry would say, are we masochist? Do we actually feel we deserve love, deep down inside, or are we trying to meet some bio chemical need of lack of pleasure when it comes to love, because it's our pattern? Well, as Ellen Fein would say, this is not the rules. We have to change what gratification means to us. In other words, man who wants us, is gratifying to us. Man who is emotionally unavailable is not gratifying to us. Man who isn't capable of loving us is not gratifying to us. Man who is on some b.s. is not gratifying to us. Man who says one thing and does another is not gratifying to us. Man who has a lot of baggage and stuff going on, which prevents him from being emotionally available to us, is not gratifying to us. Man who does not treat you good and does not make you feel cherished is not for you! He no longer gratifies you. Man who plays games and man who abuses you and or makes your feel low or less than is not for you. He no longer turns you on. Fuck that guy! Let's be cave woman about our needs. Me woman, you man, you treat me good and make me feel yummy on inside, lol. He who cherishes you, adores you, pursues you, courts you, treats you good, and is committal is, what gratifies you from this point forward.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Female Eagle (How she chooses her man)

Okay ladies, this is about the female eagle, large bird. Understand the metaphor behind the movement of this story. This is how U should choose your man.

(As told by the Wintu Tribal Elders of California)

When it comes time for the female Eagle to choose her mate, she prepares herself for many suitors. And many come before her. She looks them over quite well and then picks one to fly with for awhile.

If she likes the way he flies she finds a small stick, picks it up and flies high with it. At some point she will drop the stick to see if
the male can catch it. If he does, then she finds a larger stick and flies with it much higher this time. Each time the male catches the stick, she continues to pick up a even larger stick. When she finds the largest, heaviest stick that she herself can carry, the stick is at this point almost the size of a small log! But she can still fly very high with this large stick. With this log, she flies at her highest, then she drops it.

At any time in this process, if the male fails to catch the stick, she flies away from him as her signal that the test is now over. She begins her search all over again. And when she again finds a male she is interested in, she starts testing him in the exact same way. And she will continue this "testing" until she finds the male Eagle who can catch all of the sticks. And when she does, she chooses him, and will mate with him for life."

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Don't Lose Yourself

Be whole with yourself. Do not operate your life like a half, that needs to be filled with the other half. You are not voided, empty nor without. GOD made you whole. When you meet a man , it should be two wholes coming together as one, not to halves, trying to fill the other half. Continue with your routine and continue with your life. When you meet a man, and if you find that, living your life interferes with his pursuit of you, then you already know that's a red flag telling you that, he was coming to fill a void, instead of embrace you and his own self as a whole. Remember to be one with God and one with yourself. Never, ever let a man come in between your relationship with GOD, nor your relationship with self. Choose a man who is emotionally available. Choose a man who already feels and knows he's a whole. Why? because he's healthier and he is coming to share, build, restore, provide and possibly provide love. He's not looking to fill and or fill someone else's void. He's not looking for a handout. like him but understand that, he is an accessory,not the ingredient. He is the icing on the cake, not the actual ingredients that made the cake. You are honey! When you fill yourself up and understand that you are already whole, no man can make you feel needy, nor dependent of him. If he walks out of your life, your no longer devastated, feeling like something is missing. You will never lose yourself again. Losing yourself means, you lost touch with yourself and got lost in love along the way. Big Danger Zone. Stay alert. Live and love, but don't get consumed by it.The only spirit you should be lost in is, God's. Don't lose yourself and be whole. Signing out.

Concentrate on your worth

When you concentrate on your worth and talents, you won't entertain non sense. You won't even tolerate it. Why spend so much time wondering why such and such did this or did that. Let's just concentrate on our worth, instead. A good artist knows he's good and doesn't sale himself short. He does not entertain critics, nor naysayers. Why do we entertain men who are not cherishing us as we deserve to be cherished? All you have to do is, concentrate on your worth and never look on the sidelines for anything that contradicts that. Don't mind who doesn't mind you. Never love who doesn't love you. Care about noone, who does not care about you.

Guys Like Good Girls or Bad Girls ?

Do guys like the good, the bad or the evil? I think men sometimes go for the bad girls because she's a challenge. She's entertaining. Men like challenges, but being a bad girl isn't Godly, nor kosher. What's a girl to do? I say, give him the best of both worlds. Be good, but be a challenge. Play hard to get and surely, you'll be giving him the best of both worlds. You see, men are use to women desiring love and being needy and desperate. When they meet a woman they had to chase and pursue, it makes them feel like she's a prize to be captured. He then knows that, if he wins her over, she wanted him for who he is, and not just using him as a seat filler, for her love fantasies. Men can be borderline when it comes to love, as you all know, lol. They say one thing and do another. They request one thing and downplay a woman when she does it. Let's face it, men are confused. Men are stuck on what they want, not what they need. What they need is, a good woman, who is a stand by her man kind of girl, who will respect him, and cherish him, admire him, love and support him. However, he wants her to be that woman that he had to earn such strong emotions from first, otherwise, he won't appreciate her. He wants a woman who treats him like a random guy in the beginning, who's respect and love he had to earn. Once this occurs, he then feels he has won and conquered. In other words, they want the woman who plays hard to get. It is psychological to want what you can't have, because not getting what you want puts your self worth under question. When you earn what you had to work hard for, aka, what you can't have, you feel better about yourself, as if what you've earned makes you more worthy. Men don't want the bad girl. In actuality, they just think they do, because they haven't worked out the details in their unconscious mind yet, lol. In the end, the bad girl, breaks their heart and discards them. They don't want that. That's why they usually turn to good women for love and affection. What men need is, a good woman who plays hard to get. Don't be a bad girl, just be the best of both worlds= A good woman with a challenge :)

Why love is a Chess Game?

Check Mate! Love is a chess game, and never believe otherwise. You are the woman, which makes you the gazelle (the receiver), and the man a lion (The hunter). You must remain two steps ahead, in order to win. You must anticipate his move in the game of love chess at all times, and until you win, understand that, you can be checkmated at any time. Let me explain: In chess, the KING (♔, ♚) is the most important piece. The object of the game is to trap the opponent's king so that its escape is not possible (checkmate). If a player's king is threatened with capture, it is said to be in check, and the player must remove the threat of capture on the next move. If this cannot be done, the king is said to be in checkmate The QUEEN (♕,♛) is the most powerful piece in the game of chess, able to move any number of squares vertically, horizontally, or diagonally. Each player starts the game with one queen, placed in the middle of the first rank next to the king Your object should be to, capture the king's mind, and emotional attachment, so that his escape is not possible, aka, CHECKMATE! If you can anticipate his move, it's checkmate. If he is two steps ahead of you, then this cannot be done. Never allow this. Remember, the Queen is the most powerful piece on the board, and she can move any number of squares. She can move vertically, horizontally, and diagonally. Although the man is the leader and tone setter in relationships, the woman is still the most important component. A woman has the most power. You have the power to maneuver his motivation at anytime. Don't be a PAWN in this chess game. The pawn (♙♟) is the most numerous and (in most circumstances) weakest piece in the game of chess, historically representing infantry, or more particularly armed peasants You don't believe me? Either checkmate or be checkmated. "All is fair in love and war"

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Listen to What He Complains About

Listen~~ to the sounds deep within~~~ whooa whoa Men like a challenge, read "The Rules", by Ellen Fein. They usually like the woman that gives them a run for their money, even if she's tired. Why not give him his hearts desires. Read the book, "Men Love Abuse" , by Tiona Smalls. Notice how men always have a story about that one woman they loved or fell for, who treated them bad, neglected them and or payed them no mind. Yet, this is the woman he choose. Notice how the things that he complains about with you, are the very same things that keep him coming back for more.Don't listen to his words, look at his actions. Men are always most attracted to what they complain and have their drawers in a knot over. Play the Game. and be the challenge he wishes to see. Be good, but don't be so good that you're easy and you become the girl he's not talking about.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Are You A Rules Girl?

Author of the book, "The Rules", written by, Ellen Fein, discusses the way a woman should conduct herself, in order to win in the game of love. If you want a serious relationship and or marriage, then the rules you must follow. I'll give you a couple 1) Don't meet him halfway. He picks you up no matter how far he lives, or no date at all. 2)Don't ever go dutch on a date. 3) Don't call him and rarely return his calls. 4)Don't expect a man to change and never try and change himNever give in so easily 6)Don't give him special treatment so soon 7)Be easy, be breezy, be aloof 8)Be short and keep it simple 9)Never date nor entertain a bitch, why? because you'll never be able to do the rules with him! 10) Say as little as possible. Let him earn info, little by little. Get the book and find out the rest!