Friday, December 16, 2011

Down Low Brotha

The DL Brother


The DL brother is right underneath your nose. He's in your church choir, church, school, job site, house, family, and he might even be your closest friend or lover.
Unfortunately, in certain major cities that host these kinds of brothas like, LA, DC, ATL, etc,they rule. I don't know everything but I believe i can spot a down low brotha from a mile away. Here's some key signs:

1)First off, a down low brotha will never, ever , ever, build you up! In fact they're the type of brothas that bring you down and leave you feeling lonely, stupid, played, rejected and undesirable. If anything, they weigh you down. They rarely compliment you, are they are never there for you emotionally, physically and do not make you feel like the queen you are. As a matter of fact, they send lots of mix messages, like most guys, which keeps you thrown off for a long time. The only difference is, their mix messages are a lot more contradictory that the heterosexual man's mix messages. With a heterosexual man, he may have an attraction for you, but not be serious about a relationship with you, and his actions show that, but the DL brothas actions totally contradict his verbal words. The DL brotha will say he loves you, wants to be with you, desires you, wants to experience so many great things with you,yet his actions are totally opposite and quite confusing.

2)The DL brotha always chooses two types of women to pursue; the strong or the naive. They pursue strong women, due to conflicts with their mother. In that case, his misogynist instincts kick in, and their only job in that case is, to bring hell to your life, while still being conflicted at the same time, due to trying to conquer his issues from childhood. The second type of woman he pursues is the naive woman. This woman is usually the woman he chooses to settle down with, because of course, the naive woman expects nothing. She's clueless to this types of stuff. She might be gullible, insecure, in denial, ugly,desperate or just insane, etc. His goal is to settle down with a woman who will be his cover up, and one who will never find out his secret. He chooses a woman he doesn't have to give much affection to, nor show that much attraction towards.

3)The Down Low brotha always seeks a cover up. In other words, a woman who he can use as a cover up for his attraction towards men.

4) The down low brotha that is not ready for a commitment will always choose a woman who will be conflicting of something he can't commit to. For example, he purses the woman who he can't stand. He pursues a woman who is too strong for him. He pursues a woman who has her shit together. He pursues a woman who desires a heterosexual man who is not twisted. He pursues a woman who he is not like minded with. He pursues a woman with totally different values than he has. Last but not least, he pursues a woman whom he can't get along with. The purpose of him doing this is to come up with excuses as to why he is single and without a woman, just another cover up!

5)He ain't shit.

6)He never makes a move. Down low brothas never make a move, ever notice that? You've been owt with this guy several times, and he never makes a move. He never touches your hand and he never tries to kiss you. They never want to have sex, which you shouldn't be doing if you're not married anyway. On the other hand, men are more sexual and they will show that behavior, rather its sinful or not. Down low brothas also never want to kiss. Down low brothas never want to hug. They never make a move and when they finally do, it feels ingenuine , like its your uncle or something. Down low brothas talk a lot about wanting to be in a relationship, yet they never make a move and they do everything that will keep a relationship from blossoming.

7) DL Brothas usually look up to you. I don't know about you but a man looking up to me is some gay ass shit if I've ever seen it. Its one thing to admire and adore a woman but, its a whole different story for a man to actually look up to a woman, as a role model, unless of course she's an older sister, mentor or motivational person, i.e. successful woman or celebrity. Otherwise, it's pretty effeminate. A heterosexual man usually desires for a woman to admire him.

8)The DL brotha usually hates women. They can be some of the most frustrated men on the planet. Every woman sucks ass to them and they find every reason to hate each woman they meet. In their eyes, there is something wrong with every woman, but him. If you can convince every body that its the other person's fault, then all the attention is off of yourself, right?

9)They speak like a lady. For example, "Hey Girl". "You know what, I'ma get you". "You better stop". "I need to loose weight". "She was trying to get in my drawers". "She was trying to get with me". "Buy me this or that". They substitute all female language with, a male dialect. In other words, if you listen closely and close your eyes when talking to a DL brotha, you would think you were talking to your deep voice homegirl.

10) He told you what male celebrity he would be with if he were gay, or refers to certain male celebrities as his male crush. What kind of man do you know that would have the nerve to think about what male he would like to be with, if he could. That is the downest , down low shit I've ever heard of. I was once asked this question in the reverse form, by a male, which i told him i could not answer, without putting myself in that twisted mind frame,which isn't my element, but he insisted on playing this question game and revealed what male crushes he would love to have, if her were gay. SMH

11) DL brothas are non committal and the biggest emotional guys you will ever meet. They are drama kings.

12) They may say things like, "I'm attracted to you", or "I want you" , or be extremely nasty. They do and say things that usually don't need explanation.

13) They claim to want you , although they live distances away. They may even do things that make absolutely no sense like, travel long distances to see you, only to not make a move nor pursue you. They may even wait to confess their supposed love to you, when you relocate, but never said anything when you were only a few miles away. Remember the in congruence and confusion that is constantly shown in his behavior.

14) Oh and not to mention, Down Low brothas think they have us all fooled. They believe that, we don't know or suspect anything! Ha. We just don't say anything, and half the time, to keep our own sanity,we deny it ourselves. They do not have anyone fooled. They are not out smarting us. Its just that, women have a history and pattern of being insecure and desperate for love, so they use those weaknesses and play on them. Remember his truth will always be revealed in the innuendo's , aka in congruences within his behavior. Think I'm lying,and you will continue to get caught up and be down in the dumps. All actions speak louder than words.

15) DL Brothas always have some sly remark and or frustration about having to put in the work to pursue a woman. They would rather be chased, rather than chase. To chase after a woman they really don't want deep down inside, is insanity to him.

16) There is always some reason for a DL brotha being single. He acts as if there just aren't any good women out there and or women aren't acting right, nor making it easy for him. Truth of the matter is, a man can pursue and search for any woman of his desires, so that's just bullshit!

17) Down low men sometimes even get married. Many down low brothas have been married before, and some stay married. They usually target a certain woman, who won't be able to figure his secret out. Most DL's are divorcees. They love to get married because its more of smoke screen distraction, and steers you away from his actual secret.  Don't be fooled by this. If he's suspect he's suspect, no matter if he's married and or been married before. It's all a cover up. Hell, many DL's have children, and it means nothing.

18) Stay away from the poindexter's! I hate these kinds. They are the overly politically correct, up right, suit wearing, well groomed, nerdy type dudes. They usually are well spoken, well educated and totally geeky. Yea right! That's another cover up. As it will appear to the world as, poindexture, but he's really just a freak on the low. Get a real man and shake this guy!

19) The DL church man. I hate to write this , but many hide out there. Not all , of course. Many real men are in the church, because everyone needs spiritual healing. Many DL brothas are also there, and you must be able to decipher which is which and who is who.

20) Down low men love Asian and White women and also naive women. Asian women and White women are easy targets for these kinds of men, because they may not be aware of the signs, and because DL brothas are usually more masculine than other men in other races, their feminine gestures and suspect behavior is usually a smoke screen. No offense women, its just the way the cookie crumbles. DL brothas are also attracted to naive women of all races, why? because they are naive and lack worldly experience. Don't get it twisted , they love strong women as well, especially strong women , but that usually never last because the strong woman is not a good candidate in the long run. lol

20) Down low brothas usually have an object of focus. Meaning, they focus the attention outwardly, to keep people from focusing on them. Notice how they keep their eyes on your every move and or their focus is on something other than themselves. They usually have an object of focus , to keep the attention off of themselves.

-Don't chase after him and don't fall into his trap. You will be doomed for failure every time.


Whelp,that's all I know for now
Peaceeeee

Follow maledecoded @maletalk101

31 comments:

  1. Holy shit this just nailed my husband to the tee your the only sight I've come across so far who has the insight too realize that these men hate women ,thank you for writing this I thought I was going crazy ,with all these other sights just not seeming to quite get the picture of how manipulative and disgusting these pieces of refuse actually are .It's not the fact of finding out that there gay that hurts but the absolute betrayal and devastation they leave behind with there lies.I'm at a loss on how to ever trust again.

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    2. Omg...I totally agree and to think all this time i thought there was something wrong with me..These brothas should really be ashamed.

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    1. No problem sis. If he seems questionable , he probably is.

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    2. whatever the case is, he's definitely a pain in the ass!

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  3. WOW! I had been confused, left to think there was something or everything wrong with me! All but ONE of this list described the man who was my lover (now my bff). Thank you for this list.

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  4. Wow. I thought maybe i was going crazy as well. I am what you classified as the strong woman but i may also be naive due to the lack of wordly experiences. I too have a husband who totally ignores, rarely have sex, rather be with his homeboys instead of me, constantly talking on his cell phone to his friends, wont help me with just about anything. I thought maybe if i was completely supportive and helped him out that maybe he would in fact be the same way to me. You know lead by example and treat others how you expect to be treated. Well none of that has ever worked for me. He does very minimal things for me. On many of occasions ive caught him alone with his friends. Different onea of course. I actually confronted him once and asked if he was downlow. He didnt deny it he just asked me why did i think that. Then this last time, which was last night, i over hear a loud moan and my house vibrate a little in the back yard. My patio door was open so i went to it and called out his name but he didn't respond. So i wnet downstairsand saw him and his friend sitting down. My daughter said they had just came in while i waa calling his name. They were both drunk as hell. Now im hoping that maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me. It has been on my mind all day. Am i still being naive and looking for excuses?

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  5. I can spot them a mile away as well. Thanks for validating pretty much everything I have ever thought about these DL brothers that be perpetrating the fraud...

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  6. Wise words. I just discovered this about a male friend of many years. I knew in the back of my mind because many of the signs you lister above were present, but it was most recently confirmed. The sad thing is that I really loved this dude, as a friend and more, but I guess he didn't love me...not even enough to tell me as a friend. He's still in such deep denial that I am afraid some unsuspecting woman is going to get hurt one day.

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  7. I just found out my boyfriend of 3 years is on the down low I'm loosing my mind he doesn't no that I have any idea. I don't no how to leave him or even tell him. We just had twin daughters 5 months ago I'm so alone in this I dint no what to do or who to talk to

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  8. I just found out my boyfriend of 3 years is on the down low I'm loosing my mind he doesn't no that I have any idea. I don't no how to leave him or even tell him. We just had twin daughters 5 months ago I'm so alone in this I dint no what to do or who to talk to

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  11. I just found out My boyfriend of almost 2 yr has DL encounters. I did have a clue, the only thing I suspected was his highly intense sex drive. He treated me well, always complimented and was always extremely affectionate. we always debated about his homophobic behaviors. He would not even like to see scenes between men on movies and television. That made me raise an eyebrow. However, he was married 3 times and has lied about so much that my spidey senses told me to investigate. I found proof of his seeking males, as well as female hookups on-line when I traveled or we had a big argument. I have not spoken to him since I found out. I'm hurt, but I am also concerned about my health due to his reckless behavior. I really loved this man and have almost walked away many times because my gut made me suspicious of him, but I never imagined this. Everything was a lie, his finance, his income, how many times he had been married and how many children he had. He neglected to tell me about a child of his that was born 5years before we met. SMh!
    disappointed but done.....

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  12. I just found out My boyfriend of almost 2 yr has DL encounters. I did have a clue, the only thing I suspected was his highly intense sex drive. He treated me well, always complimented and was always extremely affectionate. we always debated about his homophobic behaviors. He would not even like to see scenes between men on movies and television. That made me raise an eyebrow. However, he was married 3 times and has lied about so much that my spidey senses told me to investigate. I found proof of his seeking males, as well as female hookups on-line when I traveled or we had a big argument. I have not spoken to him since I found out. I'm hurt, but I am also concerned about my health due to his reckless behavior. I really loved this man and have almost walked away many times because my gut made me suspicious of him, but I never imagined this. Everything was a lie, his finance, his income, how many times he had been married and how many children he had. He neglected to tell me about a child of his that was born 5years before we met. SMh!
    disappointed but done.....

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  13. I just found out My boyfriend of almost 2 yr has DL encounters. I did not have a clue, the only thing I suspected was his highly intense sex drive. He treated me well, always complimented and was always extremely affectionate. we always debated about his homophobic behaviors. He would even like to seens between men on movies and television. That made me raise an eyebrow. However, he was married 3 times and has lied about so much that my spidey senses told me to investigate. I found proof of his seeking males, when I traveled or had a big argument. I have not spoken to him since I found out. I'm hurt, but I am also concerned about my health due to his reckless behavior.

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  14. Kudos! Your article is on point! 100% truth!
    I am a very beautiful, strong, accomplished woman which equates to a DL magnate. They love beautiful women b/c in there sick minds it boost there efforts to appear masculine. Unfortunately more so than not, men are creeping with men! It's like the new thing to do these days, the new fad.

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  15. Wow! I just experienced this with a man. He would never complement me, he was always so happy to be around his homeboy's. Like, sitting in our bedroom with them. He would be easily angered and would pick arguments to be away from me. The big sign was, when he wanted anal sex with my dildo. I mean he would really got excited. He also wanted a lot of oral sex than vaginal sex. His sex drive became less and less. He wouldn't tell me I looked good with a new hair style but would tell me when I was having a bad hair day. Around his homeboy's, he was happy but if I hung out too long with them, he would get mad for no reason. It's real women. It's a lot of undercover men. I had to to make sure I wasn't the blame because they will make you feel that it's all your fault. No matter how good, successful, pretty, loyal you are, they don't want women.

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  16. Unfortunately I have experienced the same devastation as many of you. I discovered my husband was gay after seeing the many text messages sent to men. Over the years I had noticed many of the DL traits listed here but quite honestly I didn't know what to call it especially when I would ask him point blank, are you gay and he denied it every time. Being an active Jehovah's Witness he insisted he wanted to keep our family together so I believed him...soon there after my spidy senses told me he was again engaging in the same behavior, after denial after denial I again found proof in the disgusting email messages and Craiglist ads he had posted. He has asked for a divorce but we are currently living in the same house as he figures out his exit plan. My 20 years of loyalty to this tortured man has netted me nothing but total devastation.

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    1. Yes the emails texts and craigslist will tell it all.

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  17. This article was so on the money. My ex-husband fell into all these categories...from the hating the mama, using "hey girl" lingo, having a male crush, mixed signals etc. Every single thing you mention described him to the tee. He was a con artist and I was the strong career woman who had my shit together..yet naive to DL type men. I remember constantly saying, "There is something about you that bothers me that I just can't seem to put my finger on." He got me pregnant and wanted to marry just so that would be his cover. We fought every single day. My life became a living hell. I could write a book about how this dude took me to the bottom of the barrel. To make a long story short, we ended up divorced and days after the divorce was finalized I found out he had been giving $25 blow jobs to men from craigslist👀. The sad thing is thats only 1/8 of the story about this Charleston DL brotha.

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    1. Got a question for you. Who was the man in your marriage? I know stupid question. My point is did your man feel like a man or was he constantly getting undermined and power stripped. Some of you ladies really don't understand what this can do to a man who is really looking for you to validate his manhood but if he can't get it from you because your too busy trying to be the bread winner and head of the house "the man" what place does he have in your life anyway. His manhood is stripped so what does he do. He seeks out another woman who does the same and maybe after a few woman he looks to another man who has gone through the same and they validate one another which unfortunately may involve some sexual activity. Not saying its right but understanding where it comes from is important if you really want to do something about this problem.

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  18. No closet faggets need to be exposed. It is not right for a man to act straight and be I really and go around sleeping with other men while he's dating you I think he needs to be outspoken and tell the truth if not if you come around me or if I catch it. I'm going to put you on blast teaches her own if you are by Sayer by just tells the truth that's all truth that's all that's needed here is the truth and if you're ashamed of it you probably shouldn't be f****** doing it

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  19. I am a black man who has been suspect more than a few times without any real evidence on my part. I was innocent and still am but that didn't keep me from being called faggot gay sissy every time I turned around. I am constantly hearing all these negative things about black men this and black men that. What about white men. I don't see a whole lot of talk about them and based on my own experiences they seem to be more open to this kind of behavior than black men anyway. Think its about time people stopped pointing the finger at black men as though they are the scourge of the earth. When are people including black women going to start owning up to their part in this. Think about it, black women don't treat white men the same and you know it. Especially if it is a corp white successful man. He probably done had sex with everybody in his family including the pet lol and you still want to get with him. He still gets an excuse and why? Black women you all have helped to create this problem. What are you going to do to solve it. Here's an idea stop socially castrating your black men. If you don't know what I mean then pay attention. Stop trying to be his mother and let him be the man. Don't want this to sound like a generalization because some women are holding it down like the ladies they are but far too many of you/us only see problems in other people.

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